Dating Tips From The Master

Casanova Commandment #1

To make a woman feel special, do something special.

For his illicit dinner with the good sister, Casanova rented an elegant five-room apartment. He met her as she stepped off the gondola, and they walked arm-in-arm across a lantern-lit plaza.

Your move: When you're trying to impress a woman, never utter these words at the cusp of an evening: "So, what do you feel like doing?" A true Casanova takes charge. He has a plan. To devise a memorable one, imagine that you're proposing. What would you do to make the night so special she couldn't possibly say no? Then arrange it (minus the ring and bent-knee thing, of course). After all, you are proposing--only it's something far more enticing than marriage. "Women are very appreciative of any kind of effort," says Young. "Casanova certainly realized that."

Casanova Commandment #2

Privacy is sexy.

The nun had a reputation to protect, and Casanova was sensitive to that. The apartment staff did not disturb Casanova and his guest; dinner was served through a window in the wall, allowing the servants to deliver the food without being seen or heard. There were no prying eyes to fear, nothing to distract the two lovers from each other. Privacy gives a woman permission to be herself.

Your move: Create an intimate atmosphere whenever you can. Invite her to dinner at your place, reserve a cozy table at a fine restaurant, encourage her to slip away from the party for a starlit stroll....Continually be searching for eddies in the evening where you both can linger and connect. You can bestow no greater compliment on a woman than your full attention.

Casanova Commandment #3

Let her admire you admiring her.

Casanova's rented apartment was full of mirrors and candles. He wanted his love to be "reflected a thousand times," and he wanted to be able to enjoy her from many different angles during dinner. He knew, too, that a beautiful woman enjoys looking at herself--that the mirrors would become her portraits, and she'd feel even sexier because of it. "There's a magical quality to mirrors, candlelight, and silver," says Young. "Women find it enchanting."

Your move: If you can't duplicate an atmosphere like this, become a mirror yourself. Let her see the effects of her beauty and charm reflected in you. Every now and then, look at her appreciatively and smile. At opportune times, compliment her--choosing a trait other than the obvious. For instance, pretty women are used to being told they're pretty. That kind of compliment has little effect. But tell a pretty woman that she's smart, and you often win her heart. There's a magical quality to a man's open, insightful admiration that women find equally enchanting.

Ask her what she thinks.

Casanova's seduction lasted several hours, and he spent much of this time asking questions and listening. In an age when women were considered inferior to men, such behavior was flattering. He treated his guest reverently, and not just because she was a nun. This woman was his equal, and he was genuinely interested in her perspective.

Your move: The reason women found Casanova so fascinating is that he found them so fascinating. In fact, he believed that without engaging conversation, physical pleasure was uninteresting. "The minute you start thinking of the woman as an object, the instant you become more interested in yourself than in finding out about her, then you're not being a Casanova," notes Emery. "He made women feel valued for things other than their bodies." It's not difficult to get a woman to talk about herself. Just ask open-ended questions and shut up. But you have to be sincere about it. Casanova's success with women stemmed from his genuine interest in them. He touched their hearts before daring to venture anyplace else.

Casanova Commandment #5

Encourage decadence.

For this particular evening, Casanova spared no expense. The apartment, the dinner table, his own body were all dressed with the finest things available. The meal consisted of eight courses, served in pairs. Many of the dishes, such as oysters, champagne, game, sturgeon, truffles, fruits, and sorbets, were delicacies, considered highly indulgent separately, let alone combined with everything else. Casanova was obviously out to impress, but he also knew that after the first sampling of something sinful, it becomes much easier to sin again.

Your move: Provide your lady with something decadent. This could be a single chocolate truffle (gift-wrapped) or an ice-cream sundae that the two of you share. Indulgence is the removal of a single brick that significantly weakens the temple.

Appeal to all her senses.

Casanova scented the apartment with tuberoses because he believed they were an aphrodisiac. He served oysters and champagne as an appetizer because on the tongue there is only one thing more titillating. He asked for his lady's opinions because every woman loves the music of her own voice. He created an atmosphere of lavishness and luxury, so her own indulgence would feel less guilty. And he touched her, often and gently, to return her attention to the true focus of the evening. By stimulating every sense, Casanova was able to immerse this woman more fully in the moment, and make her feel more alive and sexual.

Your move: Be attentive to every one of your mate's five senses. Play background music, touch the small of her back to guide her, make eye contact, give her a flute of champagne to sip, buy her a fresh flower to sniff....Think of each sense as a little engine you need to warm up. When all her senses are purring, she will be, too.

Savor the anticipation.

Although Casanova immediately grew "ardent" when he noticed that his lady's breasts were covered by only a dainty chemise, he didn't force himself upon her. He was patient. He accepted her single kiss and cherished her two-word promise: "After supper." "Casanova appreciated that if you have your pleasure too quickly, you don't suck all the pleasure out of it," explains Young. "Savor the anticipation, because often the anticipation is half the fun."

Your move: Foreplay doesn't happen only in the bedroom 60 seconds before intercourse. It's organic. It encompasses the entire day. Slip a note into her purse confessing how much you're looking forward to this date, or call her at work and tell her the same. When you meet, take her hands and softly kiss her lips. Most important: Allow the evening to progress at its own pace, remembering that neither of you has to be anywhere except together.

Be playful.

Most of the food and drink Casanova preferred was sexually suggestive. Plump oysters, succulent game hens, soft cheeses, ripe fruit...On one level, he simply enjoyed watching women put these things in their mouths. But on another, he saw dinnertime as an opportunity for playfulness. When a slippery oyster fell onto an ample bosom, he immediately offered to slurp it off. When the salad arrived undressed, he encouraged the lady to dribble on the oil and vinegar. Casanova realized that sex isn't serious--it's playtime for adults. Games like this are the warmup.

Your move: Whether you're dining at home or at a restaurant, choose something provocative the two of you can share. Put the plate between you and nibble. Eat with your fingers. Feed each other. Make it your goal to keep the evening lighthearted.

Be spontaneous.

Casanova was an opportunist. He drifted from country to country, working at ludicrously diverse jobs (among them, priest and pimp). He was a disciple of the moment. Once, while sharing a carriage with a farmer's wife during a severe storm, he found her perched on his lap after a frightening thunderclap. Seizing the opportunity, he deftly rearranged her skirts.

Your move: If the evening isn't going according to plan, abandon it. Be attuned to fate and go where it directs. The confidence and daring this shows is in itself seductive.

Surprise her with a gift

After supper, Casanova and his lady retired to a candlelit alcove, where he presented her with a beautiful lace nightcap. She pronounced it "magnificent." It was the final, thoughtful coup de grace. "She told me to go undress in the next room," writes Casanova, "promising to call me as soon as she was in bed. This took but 2 minutes."

Your move: Women love unexpected gifts. Make hers personal rather than trendy, small rather than large, silly rather than serious--something only she can appreciate. "Casanova's gifts showed a great deal of creativity and thoughtfulness," says Emery. Most important, time your gift's delivery for that critical point in the evening when there remains just one obvious way for her to show her gratitude.

Dating Tips For Men

Have More Fun

Your classy lady might just be a naughty superfreak on the inside--it's up to you to coax that out of her. The key: Tell her it's okay. "Women are conditioned to fulfill the role of 'good girl,' " says Judith Scherven, Ph.D., coauthor of Be Loved for Who You Really Are. "They need permission from you to break that mold, to change from being their parents' good girl to being your hot girlfriend." Here's how.

Give Her the Power

Imagine her doing something wild, then describe it to her. "You have to see her that way before she'll be able to act that way," says Scherven. "She has to feel confident that you think she's capable of it."

Show Her Off

"In public, whisper how much she turns you on and combine that with some neck kissing," says Ian Kerner, author of She Comes First. Get her used to feeling sexy in public and she'll reciprocate in private.

Grant Her Wishes

If she's joked about skinny-dipping, find a lake. If she's mentioned skydiving, book the plane. "Overcoming her fears with her will build trust and make her more likely to go out on a limb the next time," says Yvonne Fulbright, author of the Hot Guide to Safer Sex. You're giving her the security to be daring.

Tease Her All Day

Plant a long kiss on her in the a.m. and tell her you can't wait to ravage her later. "Knowing you find her irresistible is the ultimate turn-on," says Regena Thomashauer, author of Mama Gena's Marriage Manual. Follow up with phone calls and you'll both be counting the hours.

From Prude To Nude

Supercharging your sex life doesn't have to involve pills, toys, or technique. Your tongue, however, helps. It involves making a woman feel comfortable naked. And that means using the right approach."A woman with self-confidence who's at peace with her body is going to be a good lover," says Dennis P. Sugrue, Ph.D., coauthor of Sex Matters for Women. This works with wives, girlfriends, and new lovers. Here's how to talk her out of her clothes.

Tell The Truth

Praise her often, and praise her well. "Make it clear that you find her attractive," says Sugrue, "but do it in a way that rings true." Let her see you checking her out. And tell her she's sexy when she's coming back from the gym, or rolling out of bed, or anytime she wouldn't expect it. It's a chance to ogle with impunity.

Be Specific

Saying, "You look awesome," may seem extravagant. But it's too vague. Give her a very specific reason why you find her irresistible--the curve of her neck, the way she walks. "My boyfriend constantly tells me how much he loves each part of me individually: 'I love your stomach,' 'I love your back,' " says Jennifer, 30. "It's hard to feel insecure about the whole package when each part is mentioned as something great."

Go Dim

In the bed-room, women want the warm glow of an R-rated movie love scene, not the harsh glare of a porn flick. Buy some 15- or 25-watt bulbs, suggests Paul Gregory, whose firm, Focus Lighting, created the romantic ambience at the New York City restaurant Nobu. "Change the bulbs before she comes over," he says. Also, everyone looks great in candlelight.

Go Soft

Relax--we're talking about how the things in your home feel. Cold, rough surfaces will make women want to put on more clothes, not take them off. "Everything should be soft," says Sivon Reznikoff, author of Sensuous Space. "Soft pillows, soft music, soft sheets, soft textures."

How to Make Her Cum

TECHNIQUE: Rope-a-Dope

For: Clitoral stimulation

Tool: Tongue

This is named after Muhammad Ali's strategy for toppling George Foreman. Ali stood there for seven rounds before springing to life and sending the tired Foreman to the mat. When it comes to cunnilingus, be like Ali:

* Conserve your energy, letting her do most of the work as she presses and grinds on your tongue. Start with slow, rhythmic tongue strokes. Try a long, easy ice-cream lick from bottom to top that covers the full span of her inner labia and ends with her clitoral head. No matter how worked up she becomes, keep it slow and easy, and consistent. Tease her into delirium, then . . .

* Hit her with a series of fast vertical and diagonal tongue strokes on her clitoris. Then . . .

* Return to slow, easy strokes.

* Repeat until she's out cold.

Why it works: This method eases her gently into clitoral stimulation. The clitoris is extremely sensitive at the outset. You'll start her blood flowing while offering the consistent stimulation she needs. The bursts of vigor add surprise, spike her sexual response, and keep her moving toward orgasm.

TECHNIQUE: Heart of Palm

For: Clitoral stimulation, with optional G-spot stimulation

Tools: Your hands

Women never forget a nice pair of hands. Make yours memorable.

* Rest on your side. You have all night.

* Place your hand over her vulva, pressing on her pubic mound with the base of your palm. Let your fingers drape against her entire vulva.

* Let her push against your palm, and use your index and middle fingers to make rhythmic come-hither gestures along her vaginal entrance.

* Lightly stimulate her clitoral head with your fingertips. Gently pinch her labia.

* For variety, insert two fingers, pressing them up against the front wall of her vagina, simultaneously stimulating her clitoris and G-spot.

Why it works: This stimulates her entire vulva, the location of nerve endings that are often ignored. While she's pushing her clitoris into your palm, you're free to do some fancy fingerwork.

TECHNIQUE: Head-to-Head

For: Clitoral stimulation

Tool: Penis

Think of your penis as one of many tools in your sexual survival kit--not your only weapon. And remember to use it outside her vagina occasionally.

* Focus on shallow thrusts. In the missionary position, barely penetrate her vagina. Let your penis rest just inside her.

* Linger. Loiter. Meander. Press the head of your penis against her clitoral head. Or press the shaft of your penis against her clitoris and gently thrust between the folds of her labia without entering her.

* When you penetrate deeply, press your pelvic bone against her clitoris and hold the position.

Why it works: You're hitting hot spots. Many of the nerve endings that contribute to orgasm are on the surface of her vulva and within the first inch or so of her vaginal entrance. When you penetrate deeply and hold, the sense of closeness combined with the clitoral sensation will overwhelm her.

TECHNIQUE: Upward and Onward

For: G-spot stimulation

Tools: Hands, vibrator, penis

Her G-spot, which is the diameter of a dime, is on the front wall of her vagina, a few inches in. You can feel it swell during arousal. Think of it as more of an area than a spot. It responds to firmer pressure than the clitoris does, so your fingers or a vibrator will sometimes work better than your penis.

* Place an inch or two of a vibrator inside her vagina, then lift the vibrator to press her G-spot. Bring her legs together around the vibrator and stimulate her clitoris with your tongue.

* During intercourse, stimulate her G-spot by entering her from behind and pressing down on it. Use one hand to massage her pubic mound, which will stimulate her G-spot from the outside.

Why it works: G-spot orgasms don't happen independently of clitoral orgasms. New research suggests that the spot may be the root of the clitoris. Always try to combine clitoral and G-spot stimulation, or at least alternate regularly.

TECHNIQUE: The Multiple Warhead

For: Multiple orgasms

Tools: Tongue, hand, penis, vibrator, patience

The best time to prove the phrase "There's more to sex than just orgasm" is after she's had one. (You are so damn understanding!) Women can have multiple orgasms because they retain blood in the pelvic area after orgasm. Her clitoris just needs a bit of recovery time because it becomes overly sensitive after orgasm.

* Return to foreplay. Focus on gentle full-body stimulation, then . . .

* Gradually introduce clitoral stimulation. Use a hand to gently tease her vulva--you can use a fingertip to trace the perimeter of her inner labia, or let her press into your palm and take the lead.

And finally: Remember to end on a high note. To paraphrase the pioneering sexologist Theodoor H. Van de Velde, it's in the moments after orgasm that a man proves if he's an "erotically civilized" adult. Translation: Don't forget to cuddle.